Exam Is Over, Not The T.O.L

*T.O.L – test of life*

Alhamdulillah, semalam exam telah pun tamat and I don’t feel good about it. It feels like there’s a pendulum about 200g of weight hanging just below my chest. It might seem to be small, but it’s there. The feeling of uneasiness.

To calm myself or make myself feel less guilty, I remind myself with these ayahs, the first one;

Demi sesungguhnya! Kami akan menguji kamu dengan sedikit perasaan takut (kepada musuh) dan (dengan merasai) kelaparan dan (dengan berlakunya) kekurangan dari harta benda dan jiwa serta hasil tanaman dan berilah khabar gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar. [2:155]

Takut + kekurangan harta + kekurangan jiwa = uneasiness

It is found that to solve this equation, we need a constant, which is ‘sabar’.

Plus, I do hope I’ll be one of the people stated in the next ayah:

(Iaitu) orang-orang yang apabila mereka ditimpa oleh sesuatu kesusahan, mereka berkata: Sesungguhnya kami adalah kepunyaan Allah dan kepada Allah jualah kami kembali. [2:156]

Because Allah promises, the ones who belong to that group of people are the ones who get His kindness, love, and guidance:

Mereka itu ialah orang-orang yang dilimpahi dengan berbagai-bagai kebaikan dari Tuhan mereka serta rahmatNya dan mereka itulah orang-orang yang dapat petunjuk hidayatNya. [2:157]

I always believe, whatever Allah gave to us in this world, be it the luxuries or miseries of life; both are tests from Allah. The most important thing to realise, it’s not how big the tests are but how truthful I am with the tests Allah has given me.

Truthful in the sense, how true I am with what I believe. Allah reminds us in the following ayahs:

Patutkah manusia menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan dengan hanya berkata: Kami beriman, sedang mereka tidak diuji (dengan sesuatu cubaan)? [29:2]

Dan demi sesungguhnya! Kami telah menguji orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada mereka, maka (dengan ujian yang demikian), nyata apa yang diketahui Allah tentang orang-orang yang sebenar-benarnya beriman dan nyata pula apa yang diketahuiNya tentang orang-orang yang berdusta. [29:3]

It is typical, everytime we (especially me), are faced with tests from Allah, we (especially me) will go and look for all of these ayahs. To justify all our (especially me) weaknesses and to feel less guilty.

No, I’m not saying it is wrong. We (especially me), should be thankful to Allah because despite all of our mistakes, He still show us the way to look back and ponder upon His words. Alhamdulillah. As a friend of mine tweeted on his Twitter:

“Kalau kita diuji dengan sangat berat, bersyukurlah, at least Allah ingat kita. Macam mana kalau Allah biarkan kita seronok dengan dosa? Nauzubillah” [A Amri, 2010]

I should even be ashamed of myself if I want to consider this test SO BIG. As an ustaz wrote to us in a mailing list:

“Ada juga yang mengaku beriman, tapi bila diuji dia merasakan ancaman manusia sudah cukup hebat seperti azab Allah kepada orang tidak beriman. Itulah orang munafaq” [Ustaz Abduh, 2010]

Astaghfirullah. Nauzubillah min zalik. We must always remember that Allah also tells us; He will never burden a soul greater that it can bear, [2:286].

Nevertheless, no matter how hard we (especially me) try to justify our wrong-doings, weaknesses, and carelessness (in handling the luxuries of life – good health, free time, money,  influence, etc), what is wrong is still wrong.

Say, a person has been stealing money from someone; eventhough the stealer tried to justify that he/she stole because he/she was really in need of money, the act of stealing is still wrong in the first place.

Same goes to us (especially me). No matter how hard I tried to think  on how should I explain this situation, if it’s wrong, so it’s still wrong. I guess, the best and proper thing to do is to admit our (especially me) faults and repent.

Allah reminds us again in the next ayah after the 2 ayahs above:

Bahkan patutkah orang-orang yang melakukan kejahatan menyangka bahawa mereka akan terlepas dari azab Kami? Amatlah buruk apa yang mereka hukumkan itu. [29:4]

If we are being tested in this life and yet we become more and more rebellious to Allah, we are indeed at the losing end. That is why, how we react towards the test that actually matters not the test itself.

To conclude, we (especially me) should ask ourselves is the test that we are facing makes us a better better person or vice versa? (in the eyes of Allah, not human-beings).

Another friend of mine tweeted:

Don’t wish it was easier, wish we were better. [Jpah, 2010]

‘Better’ means a better muslim.

Tidak ada sesuatu kesusahan (atau bala bencana) yang ditimpakan di bumi dan tidak juga yang menimpa diri kamu, melainkan telah sedia ada di dalam Kitab (pengetahuan Kami) sebelum Kami menjadikannya; sesungguhnya mengadakan yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah. [57:22]

(Kamu diberitahu tentang itu) supaya kamu tidak bersedih hati akan apa yang telah luput daripada kamu dan tidak pula bergembira (secara sombong dan bangga) dengan apa yang diberikan kepada kamu dan (ingatlah), Allah tidak suka kepada tiap-tiap orang yang sombong takbur, lagi membanggakan diri. [57:23]

Boleh jadi ini peringatan Allah, jangan sombong wahai Syafiqah!

Allahumma anta rabbi laa ilaha illa anta (Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, Engkau Rabbku, tiada yang layak disembah melainkan Engkau)

kholaqtani wa ana ‘abduka (Engkau yang menciptakanku dan aku hamba-Mu),

wa ana ‘ala ‘ahdika wa wa’dika mastato’tu (dan aku berada dalam perjanjian dengan-Mu, ikrar kepada-Mu <yang akan kulaksanakan dengan> segala kemampuanku),

a’uzubika min sharrima sona’tu (aku berlindung kepada-Mu daripada kejahatan apa-apa yang telah aku lakukan),

abu-u laka bini’matika ‘alayya (aku mengakui nikmat-Mu kepadaku),

wa abu-u bidzanbi (dan aku mengakui dosaku), farfighlii (maka ampunilah aku), fainnahu la yaghfiru dzunuba illa anta (kerana tiada yang akan mengampuni dosa-dosa, melainkan Engkau).

*Sayyidul Istighfar* [Hadis Riwayat Bukhari]

p.s. A good piece of writing by Dr. MAZA about ‘Doa‘.

Allahu’alam.

4 thoughts on “Exam Is Over, Not The T.O.L

    1. Jazakillahu khair Farhanah,

      Semoga Allah permudahkan buat Farhanah n smoga Allah berikan kejayaan dalam exam tu. Allahumma ameen.

      Fighting!😉

      Alhamdulillah.

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